The Friendship Paradox

Recently I have had good reason to think about why I have the friends I have. I mean, I am not really a social person. I can't stand most people I meet. Well thats an extreme reaction. Let me rephrase. I don't like most of the people I meet.

Even worse, most of the people I meet don't like me. Yeah big surprise isn't it :) But the point is, I really like my friends. Yes there are a few people who for various reasons do not pretend to not know me anymore. God bless them!

So in my endeavour to figure out where my friends would land in a Venn diagram I headed over to Graph Jam. And the following is the result...



So now we see, its a very narrow band of people I can be friends with. Which means my friends are a very limited resource. Limited resources by definition become very valuable :)
So to all my friends, you know who you are, wherever you might be, if you ever do come across this post, Thank You! for being there for me!

The Wonder Years

As yet another year is drawing to an end; I was talking to my friends about childhood memories. We talked about the things we did, the kids we hung out with, the trouble we got into (some more than others), and the games we played.

And, over the past few days, it got me feeling just a bit nostalgic, remembering the good times, the great times, as I grew up. And, it also got me thinking how some things were just simpler then, and that sometimes the progress we seem to have made has been just for the sake of moving forward when we had some pretty awesome things back in my day (yes, I realize I am old with that phrase) that stand up over the course of history. 

It is amazing where we have gone with video games over the past 30 years or so. Today, you have gaming consoles that react based on your own movements and actions. You also have incredible graphics and storylines, things that were not able to be done on such a level all those years ago. And my personal favourite, Haptic Feedback :) It rocks!

However, some of them just lack the simple nature to hold your interest and entertain you. And, for the amount of money being put into some of them, it is astounding that such aspects would be overlooked.

I remember getting out of school and heading to the playground to play with my friends, choosing sides for some cricket, a little football, or maybe basketball. I remember the sound and pattern of a car alarm when you hit someone’s car by accident, scurrying away, leaving your ball behind, and waiting it out until they either turned it off or it ran its course. At that age, your ball was worth losing if it meant not getting in trouble. I remember getting yelled at for playing in front of some people’s houses, because our sixers were over their second windows, and we kept coming up just a bit short. I remember waiting for it to get darker,or for the power cuts, so we could organize a game of Eye-spy, making sure to specify the rule of no hiding in houses or on the roof, or else someone would try hiding on the sun-shade(you’d be surprised just how dumb some kids can be at that age).

I also remember the sound of the ice cream vendor - in my case, it was Kwality, before it was Kwality-Walls, and getting a choco-bar, or a cone, or a Rainbow ice-cream that was guaranteed to make a multi-coloured mess on your face. My personal favourite remains to this day, an ice-cream sandwich. For 5 bucks we used to get a decent slab of vanilla ice-cream between 2 chocolate flavoured biscuits. It was yumm!!!

My friend reminisced that he played some strange mix of Jurassic Park and Hide-and-seek, where he played a raptor with T-Rex vision, from his description. And, unfortunately, as we grow older, we lose some of that creativity and imagination, because, to keep it up as an adult would mean a trip to the psych ward with some padded walls. However, we can keep it alive in our minds, reminiscing about those times. 

I am sure there are plenty of theme songs, be it from cartoons you watched on Saturday morning or afterschool during the week. Even as I take a stroll through Landmark, Central, or Odyssey every once in awhile, there are just too many options. How many Batman figures does one really need? You’ve got Batman, Batman with the Kung-Fu grip, glow-in-the-dark Batman, Batman with the removable mask and cape so he’s really Bruce Wayne etc. There are too many special lines that it makes it nearly impossible for a kid to maintain any type of collection. As a kid, I had G.I. Joe figures. I also had He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Later, there would be Power Rangers, which I thought were kinda lame, and Pogs, which I thought were pointless. I also never got Pokemon or Magic: The Gathering, but they were struck way too late for me anyway, when I just didn’t see anything new measuring up to the toys of my youth. I am sure the toys of today can do all kinds of things that my toys couldn’t. And while that is pretty cool as far as technological advances are concerned, it limits your imagination. I don’t want my action figures’ weapons to make noises. I want to make those noises myself. I don’t want them to have action poses or movements. I want to position them to do those very things myself. There is something lost in the ability of those toys to do everything for you. 

Remain young at heart, because as we get older, we are in jeopardy of losing the ability to be a kid at times. Life toughens you. Stress, work, bills, etc. all play a factor in having to be a grown-up and killing away some of your childlike qualities. So, every once in awhile, bust out with Monopoly/Business or Snakes & Ladders to keep it alive. There’s nothing wrong with taking out some of your old toys and staging massive battles or fights among the different sides. For the ladies, feel free to host tea parties for your Barbie dolls or your massive amounts of stuffed animals. Anyone visiting at the time might think you’re a bit crazy, but at least you’ll be having some fun for yourself, remembering those good times, when life was so much simpler, and sometimes just easier. 

And have a Happy New Year!

Legally Gay : Through The Gay-zing Glass

The year is 2008. Dr. Ramadoss is all for legalizing homosexuality. In England and other places in the world homosexuality is already legal. Welcome to a brave new world. Bollywood has just had its first movie explicitly depicting a gay act on the big screen. Its name? Dostana!

However! It’s fairly entertaining to see things go down. Of course, it might help you to keep in mind that this is not a movie about two gay men. It’s about two straight Indian men who are clearly freaked out by their little charade and have no idea how to make it work other than by drawing on stereotypes. Nowhere is this more evident than in the cringe-inducing scene where the main cast prances around the living room with Boman Irani and the most inappropriately effete immigration officer ever. Kunal and Sam ruminate on what it means to be homosexual and decide to “think like women, act like men” before running out with their pinkies raised and dancing to Beedi jalaile.

I recently ran into a couple of Columbians in the city. Both of them are in their early to mid 20's and have been best friends for a long time. And they were taking in the sights and sounds and smells and taste of India. As we were sitting at a coffee bar and making conversation, one of them suddenly asked me, why most Indian men

were gay? At first I thought he meant to ask something else and I misunderstood what he said but after I clarified it turns out that's exactly what he meant. So I asked him what made him think most of us were gay. And he said, “you guys hold other guys hands and walk. You share drinks/food from the same container etc.” This got me thinking of the various cultural differences between us and how he perceived what I would consider very normal, heterosexual behaviour to be gay. I have grown up considering myself heterosexual. But when I hold onto another guys hand I don't really consider it gay. I am also OK with passing around my lunch or Pepsi bottle around. Some people might not, but that's more for hygienic reasons, I think, than the thought that its gay. Honestly it had never even struck me in that light till these two guys pointed it out.

I think India is quite arguably a very androgynous – if not an outright feminine – culture; Indian men are very well-adjusted to displays of sensitivity, emotional depth, and homosocial intimacy.

It is not rare to see men walking around the city hand-in-hand or arms over their shoulders,displaying signs of very intimate affection towards each other. Once I saw a group of young men caressing each other’s hair, one of them combing the other’s lengthy locks, while the other men in the group carried on a lively and animated

conversation amongst themselves.

Well, all of this means, it gets awfully hard to figure out who’s in who’s “camp.” It’s incredibly risky to assume someone’s gay or that someone has the “hots” for you just by their non-verbal behavior and overt displays of intimacy.

I suppose this type of a cultural acceptance of homosocial behavior leads to a psychological burial or repression of homosexual expression. This is because of the ambiguous sexual nature of the behavior among the men around him. Since one can never be sure of the sexual intentions or persuasions of another man, it becomes incredibly risky to just assume the other’s sexual orientation and make an unsolicited or unwanted move–particularly given the paradoxical fact that while Indian men are notoriously homosocial, they are equally homophobic.

I don’t think this apparent closeness between males is uniquely Indian either. In the Arab Gulf men touch their noses and make a smacking sound with their lips when they greet each other (call it a virtual kiss). In many other Asian cultures men can be found walking hand in hand. Who is to say that holding hands or lips approaching

lips is not masculine, but feminine? Women in the Gulf do not “kiss” like this, so to kiss in this way is very much a masculine expression, while the feminine expression involves cheek to cheek. I see the camaraderie among Indian men expressed in the ways mentioned as a very masculine thing. Similar to in the west how the hearty handshake between men and a rough pat here or there is considered masculine. I feel the element of sexuality that might or might not accompany such actions is an important consideration, but I don’t feel it is a construct of masculinity or femininity. Parents can be very physically intimate with a child but this does not normally constitute any expression of sexuality.

I think the clues as to whether an individual is attracted to another of the same sex can still be recognized even if not based on distinct forms of physical intimacy. In fact, it is more the emotional than physical clues which one can look for. An unrelenting fixation on another, an emerging obsession, flirtatious and furtive looks, etc. Would not these be clear enough indications of another’s desires? I also believe that there is not only gay, bi and straight among the human family, but every degree in between. This is where the labels may not serve us well, whether we are referring to a Western context (in which the terms were coined) or that of any other culture. I guess my point is that there are numerous clues to pick up on to determine another’s interest in us or in others. A discussion of “masculine” and “feminine” behavior does not have much relevance. They express intimacy among themselves in

the culturally appropriate way for Indian man. In that sense holding hands is an expression of masculinity.

Also the western civilization is obsessed with the gay phenomenon to such an extent that even simple gestures between guys is considered taboo. So I say “Relax guys! You need to be confident of your sexuality that you don’t have to do anything in a certain way to “prove” your masculinity!!”

Chutnefying English

Hindi and English, once pitted against each other as adversaries, now inhabit a common space and complement each other, sometimes in the same utterance. The interspersing of Hindi and English is most common in advertisers' tag-lines, literature, films, graffiti, short message service, songs and everyday conversations. With not inconsiderable homogenization, this phenomenon is called "Hinglish," a term we wish to understand and debate.

MICA is organizing an historic conference called "Chutnefying English," in which eminent scholars and practitioners are invited to debate the notion of Hinglish from the point of view of their disciplines-language studies, literature, culture studies, advertisement, communication and media studies, management, etc. contributing to what we hope will be a rich and textured array of perspectives. The conference will also incorporate panel discussions on whether Hinglish is a unifying language, and whether it has promise of being a language of tomorrow's business.

Academic contributions made at the conference will be edited as a book by Rita Kothari and Rupert Snell, and published by Penguin India.

Please note that the venue for the conference has been changed to Hotel Le Royal Méridien Mumbai

Why You Should Attend

 

As Hinglish becomes an increasingly common phenomenon in day-to-day language usage throughout India, it is imperative for anybody interested in doing business in India or for any academic studying modern India to have an in-depth understanding of this complex subject. This conference will provide a first-of-its-kind, up-to-date look at issues surrounding Hinglish. Attendees will hear not only from the top academics that have done research in this field, but also the perspectives of industry leaders that produce content in Hinglish. This unique and rare bridging of academia with industry promises to be not only highly interesting, but also a fruitful exercise that will be of great assistance to you. Attend this premiere historic conference to connect and interact with leaders and like-minded peers and gain a deep understanding of Hinglish.

Who Should Attend

 

Chutnefying English is the first international conference that has been organized on the topic of Hinglish and is the only event on this subject to offer such a vast array of global perspectives. It is especially relevant for:

• Market research specialists, research analysts, media researchers, and communication researchers
• Account planners and managers, copywriters, and creative directors
• Field workers
• Senior management executives
• Academics
• Education policy makers
• Media planners

MIB – Madrasis In Bihar

We live in a very confusing world and an even more perplexing county. India for all its diversity and unity shall forever (or at least for the foreseeable future) be divided in a manner that even the masters of “Divide & Rule” the Britishers hadn’t foreseen.

While attending college in Gujarat, I met a lot of people during my orientation and afterwards. Now, at a PG level, and that too in a fairly reputed institute, you would expect people to have a basic idea of their own country’s geography. Alas! I was sadly mistaken.

As is the case when you are meeting a lot of new people for the first time, we usually enquire their names and where they are from among other things. The minute anyone, me included, named a place from the south, we were classified as Madrasis. I was, to say the least, pretty surprised and earnestly tried to clarify that I wasn’t from Madras or Chennai or even the same state. As one friend told me then, everything south of the Vindhyas is South India. One big state, of which, Madras is the capital city. And all south Indians are Madrasis. I let it go thinking it was just a one off case, but a surprisingly large number of people in the North were of the same opinion. Some were actually thrown off balance when I told them South India had 4 separate states. Now I know where shows like “Paanchvi Paas” get their fodder from.

So, after many social interactions, at many cities, with many people, I was tired of being labelled Madrasi. I have nothing against the fine city, now known as Chennai, nor against being associated with it. I understand if a person from, oh, say Frankfurt, or Tokyo, or Helsinki does that. After all, for them it’s like a landmark in the world map with which to associate you with. But in India, with fellow Indians, it’s a different thing. You expect them to know a Bangalore or a Hyderabad or a Thiruvananthapuram. It’s like Indians in England being called a Paki. Sure they are next to each other. They were once the same country even. But calling an Indian a Paki, will sure get you some interesting reactions of the violent side.

Now I believe that everybody at heart is a racist. Some know it, some don’t, and the rest are in denial. Now racism by itself is not a bad thing. Just like politics is not a dirty word. We all have our prejudices and there is nothing anyone can do about it. It’s just a fact of life and we have to deal with it. Take my case. I resented being called a Madrasi. Now while I have nothing against that it, I have more pride in being associated with Bangalore, for all its faults. Call it regional pride, call it geo-affiliation or whatever other fancy term you might think of, but at that moment I didn’t like being associated with “Madras”.

So I decided to go on the offensive, by giving them a taste of their own medicine. So when this pretty Punjabi girl and I were getting acquainted, she made the mistake of saying “Oh! Madrasi!” and I said “Yes and you”? So naturally she said Punjabi. To which I said, “Oh! Sardarni”? And then the fun started. She shook her head violently and started explaining the differences between Sardarjis and Punjabis. I patiently listened to her, and at the end of her explanation, say “Oh, you are Bihari then”. Now she was really confused and I was beginning to enjoy this role reversal. She said “Punjab. Not Bihar.” To which I cheekily said, “Yes yes, I know, Punjab. It’s the North Western part of Bihar, your capital is Chandigarh and you are Sardar.”

And from then on, there were just 2 states in India. Madras and Bihar.  Every person who called me a Madrasi was called a Bihari in return with the same earnestness. And they were all scratching their heads while the smarter ones who figured out what was happening, were laughing.

So for all future encounters with my northern brethren, every time I got called a Madrasi, there was a subtle re-arrangement of their hitherto familiar geography and they now belonged to the USB – United States of Bihar. And as an ambassador from Madras, I could claim Diplomatic Immunity and get away with impunity.

So here is my end-note :

• I have nothing against any state, north or south of the Vindhyas, or the people who inhabit them.
  
• There are 4 states in the south of India.
  
• Madras is not a shared capital among these states, unlike Chandigarh.
  
• Madras, incidentally, is now called Chennai.
  
• All South Indians do not talk and act like Mehmood in Padosan or Mithun in Agnipath, or was that Vijaypath?
  
• And as my good friend Chuck puts it “A mallu accent is nothing but a Hyundai made in Kerala.”
  

Iyers of Kongu-Land!!!

“The Iyer you go, the harder you fall” ~ Oscar Wilde on Iyers

“I...? errrrr...!!!” ~ An Iyer on Iyers

"The Iyer you go, the Iyenagar you become" ~ Arjun.B

Iyers are a community of confused people who are blatantly unaware of their roots. Headquartered in Tamil Nadu, India, but with points of origin ranging from Bomb-bay to Bangalore to Calcutta, Iyers are found all over the world, infiltrating all types of organizations and nations. So confused are they that some NGOs offered to invent a language called Esperanto especially for them.

Origin of Iyers

Indian tradition narrates a remarkable story for the origin of Iyers. Ages ago, in the Vedic period, in North India, there lived two siblings Vindhya and Agastya. Vindhya, ever since childhood, wanted to grow tall in order to be a great Vedic Basketball player. She heavily relied on a diet of Vedic Complan to match her desires. Her little brother Agastya grew envious of her and depressed with his own height. He devised a brilliant plan. Agastya approached Vindhya and told her that he is going on a commercial trip to South India and hence requested her not to take Vedic Complan till he returns, as otherwise he would be unable to identify her when he comes back. Vindhya, being pea-brained, accepted his request and thus the shrewd Agastya went to South India and never returned. Thus poor Vindhya stopped growing and remained the same height ever since. In South India, Agastya established his family and thus the first Iyers were born.

Iyers trace their ancestry to eight "different" Maharishis, thus classifying each family of the rishi as a gotra. The eight rishis include Agastya, Gautama, Vishwamitra,Bharadvaja, Jamadagni, Vasishta, Kashyapa and Atri. However, one other rishi named Koundinya started a conspiracy theory stating that all these eight rishis were one and the same person, affected by schizophrenia. If the above claim is true, that would be the worst case of schizophrenia in the entire history of India.

Rituals and Ceremonies

Iyers practise a ceremony called Upanayana, which is primarily used to confuse the initiate before being accepted into the Iyer community. In this ceremony, the youngster is required to wear a sacred thread on his body, after which he is known as "twice born". The same ritual can be repeated again, this time by tying the thread on his right hand to become "thrice born" and so on. One Mr.Mani Iyer from Palakkad is reputed to hold the Guinness World Record for the Most Number of Births by wearing the sacred thread on 37 parts of his body !! How many times were the ancient Egyptians born then??

Iyers primarily use the thread to scratch their backs (mudhugu sorinjifying). Other uses are using the thread as a "cloth support" to ensure that t-shirts do not come in the way when sitting on the potty. This is a delicate procedure, and is one of the first things that newly born iyers learn. A vague few hold onto the thread and utter gibberish for an hour or so a day.. scary shit.

Dietary Habits

Iyers have a mad frigging obsession for Thayir Sadam (aka Curd Rice aka Yogurt mixed with rice boiled the previous night). Although the men of the newer generation have adopted this slick (and most times slimy) dish as a hang-over repellant, an Iyer meal typically ends with this delicacy. One can find million other stuff to eat in an Iyer's home:- Sundal (pulses cooked in a style which is never the same the second time around; Known for its anti-acidic capabilities,which is the driving bases of the Indian Gas Factory), Sambhar* Sadam (Hot sambhar mixed with cold rice or vice versa), Paruppu (Dal mixed with lot of turmeric powder), eggplant Gotsu (Inexplicable delicacy(!)), Ghee (Although not accepted as a dish in vedic scriptures, consumption of ghee by a brahmin is more than the world average consumption of marijuana), Beetle-leaf and Nuts (Nectar of which is the Ambrosia of Brahmins; Not to be mistaken with cows chewing on grass) and million other uppers, downers, screamers, laughers and knock-your-socks-off, stuff.