Spell Check Series

State Bank Of India

Bopal Branch

Ahmedabad, Gujarat

This pic is worth a 1000 words

Physix & Trignometry - Rajni Style

Love Story 2050???

Notwithstanding,  whatever nonsense you've been told by Archies/ Hallmark/ Wikipedia, the truth is  that Valentine's Day originated in India, and to top it, in  Gujarat of all places! 
  
It is a known  fact that the Gujarati men, especially the Patels don't treat  their wives (Patel'anis) with respect. One fine day, it  happened to be 14th day of February; one brave Patel'ani had  had enough of torture by her husband, then she  finally chose to rebel by beating him up with a  Velan...(rolling pin)  
  
Yeah, the same  Velan with which she made chapattis for him everyday; only this  time, instead of the dough, it was the husband who was flattened.  This was a  momentous occasion for all the Gujarati women and  a revolt soon spread like wild fire, with several housewives  beating up their husbands with Velan and there was an  outbreak of moaning chapattis all over Anand and Amdavad. The  Patel men folk learnt their lesson and behaved a bit better  with their  Patel'ani partners.  
  
Thereafter each  year that day, the womenfolk as a token gesture, beat up their  husbands to commemorate that eventful day, thus the wives having  the satisfaction of beating up their husbands with Velan, and  the guys having the supreme joy of submitting to the whims of  the women they loved. 
  
Soon Gujju  men realised that in order to avoid this ordeal, they  need to bring flowers and gifts for their  wives.  
  
So the tradition  began. As Gujarat fell more under the influence of  Western culture that day was called 'Velan time' day. Hence  this ritual soon spread to  Britain & many other Western  countries, specifically, the catch words 'Velan  time!'.  
  
Of course in their  foreign mouths, it was bast ard ized to 'Velantime' and then  to 'Velantine'. And from that day onwards, 14th of February,  came to be known as Valentine's Day!

PS: This was an e-mail forward that tickled my funny bone. too good to not put up here. Atleast till I can come up with a better origin story and retconn it into the human history's collective consciousness.

The New Answer to Life, The Universe & Everything

Well, there I was, sitting in my balcony, having one more sleepless night and thinking random thoughts when it suddenly hit me.

The idea was completely out of the blue and had no thread or connection to anything I was thinking previously all day or even all week.

I was so amazed, I sat up straighter in the cold night air, forgetting the c-stick I was holding till I couldn't hold it anymore.

It was like the feeling you get when you are in the middle of running a marathon and thinking only about the finishing line, when ZAP! out of the blue your thoughts suddenly lead you to the amazing discovery that you could actually try micro-waving pop-corn! I know, so simple right? And at the same time profound enough to make you stand still, statue-like in wonder, at why you didn't think of this before?

I mean, you are struck at the sheer genius of the idea, that unlike Archimedes who went from 0-60 shouting Eureka! in the flesh, you go from 100-0 in a single instant with all the attendant trauma that such a sudden stop will bring with it in the material world.

Well this is exactly what happened to me. And the "IDEA" that brought about all this is Binary Sudoku. 

I know, right! This my friends, is what I think, is the new answer to Life, The Universe & Everything! Move over 42, BS is here, Baby!

And then, thinking I was on the threshold of an amazing new discovery, one that would change the very way we look at the world, and in the hopes of making this a Googlewhack, I googled it.

And guess what? Yes you guessed it, come on now, don't be shy! Well, since you guessed it anyway I might as well just go ahead and tell it to ya'll!

I wasnt the first to thnk it up apparently!

The above image is living proof.

Yes, yes! I am not alone in the Universe!

Looks like theres hope for me yet.

only problem, The Hope Is Out There!

For those who are wondering what its all about,

Binary Sudoku: 

A simple 2x2 grid with one cell filled in so that the opposite corner can be filled in to complete a binary sudoku game. This could be a starter sudoku, so that you have a success to build on. Or have it at management seminars.

Illustrated below are the Newbie and Power User versions. Sort of like Easy & Cryptic Clues in crosswords.

Inspiration:

Someone once said "Enough of this pseudo-ku. We want real ku."

Coming soon:
The One Cell Crossword!. 
Across:
1)The first letter of the alphabet (1)
Down:
1) The indefinite article (1)

PS : 

1) For the mathematically challenged, a Binary Number System uses only 2 digits, 0 & 1.

2) Happy Birthday Megha! Happy 25th.

3) #2 had nothing to do with the post. 

Media Insensitivity

"Coverage of crime brings with it coverage of victims, frequently in dehumanizing ways and with traumatizing results." According to recent events, I feel, it also creates victims out of innocent people, without any regard for the truth.

Take the case of the recent, much covered Arushi murder case in Noida. This is the one of the latest in a long line of media insensitivities. The news media plays a significant role in public safety by providing important information about the nature and extent of crime occurring in communities and efforts to prevent crime and assist victims. However, this coverage sometimes raises legitimate concerns about the rights of crime victims to privacy in the vulnerable aftermath of victimization, particularly in high profile cases. In some cases, victims perceive aggressive, insensitive reporting as a direct threat to their ability to grieve with dignity and to their personal safety. Inaccurate reporting and insensitivity to victims' needs for privacy compound the trauma of crime and often re-victimize the victim.

Also, news agencies are at the end of the day, news agencies. They are not detectives. Sure, investigative journalism exists, but how many of our media people actually bother to investigate any shred of evidence that comes their way? TV news especially has become a warzone. Everything is dictated by TRPs and try to lay claim on eye-balls. With so many competing channels ad each of them regurgitating the same news in no different angles, it becomes important for them to try and go for the early bird strategy.

What results is an amazingly stupid insensitivity to victims of the purported crimes and their families. The media in my opinion has stopped trying to think beyond the TRPs. Libelling and slandering anyone and everyone they think could be a criminal without any research into the allegations they are bandying about on national television is literally ruining peoples lives and reputations.

Its true that the Police force is the source of their reports. But shouldn’t media personnel pause and think for a minute if it even makes sense? Within a space of a week, with respect to the Arushi murder, the media portrayed convincing scenarios of the motive being everything from honour killing to the parents extra-marital affairs dragging in family and friends into the picture. The poor child was 14 years old. Not even out of school. How does honour killing fit? Or do we need a re-education on what honour killings constitute? Then there was the entire hullabaloo about her being an only child of working parents and confiding in a male servant. Seriously, after all the coverage of her planning a party with family and friends, doesn’t it seem a contradiction?

The Arushi incident is merely the latest example of the explosion in crime coverage. Yet, it may also be a precursor of a new era of a media focus on victims that threatens to put them at even greater risk of a "second wound"--the additional trauma inflicted by insensitive and intrusive coverage.Even as the rates of violent crime continue to decline, the percentage of news coverage devoted to it is climbing. The proliferation of, and competition among, the cable news networks such as CNN, CNBC, NDTV, TIMES Now, Headlines today etc as well as the increase in primetime hours devoted to newsmagazine shows on network TV, add to the shift toward crime coverage as a top category of legitimate news. Literally hundreds of producers are scouring the country looking for victims of violence willing to talk about what happened to them. The ones who show emotion tend to receive the repeat offers, and they may be asked to appear again when a similar incident happens. New, too, is increased reporting on the previously "hidden" crimes of domestic violence and offenses against children.

Troubling for victims is many TV stations and newspapers assigning rookies to crime and breaking news, often as a trial by fire to see if they are tough enough. The same people that would never send a reporter who knew nothing of cricket to cover a match will assign an untrained reporter to interview a parent who has had a child murdered.

Coverage of crime brings with it coverage of victims, frequently in dehumanizing ways and with traumatizing results. The irony is that close, intrusive coverage of the victim may be occasionally explained away as an effort to "humanize" crime. The blunt and edgy portrayal of crime and its victims is done to "put a human face on violence" in a country where homicide is commonplace is the excuse. Makes us ashamed to even look in a mirror if that’s the face we have to see.

MIB – Madrasis In Bihar

We live in a very confusing world and an even more perplexing county. India for all its diversity and unity shall forever (or at least for the foreseeable future) be divided in a manner that even the masters of “Divide & Rule” the Britishers hadn’t foreseen.

While attending college in Gujarat, I met a lot of people during my orientation and afterwards. Now, at a PG level, and that too in a fairly reputed institute, you would expect people to have a basic idea of their own country’s geography. Alas! I was sadly mistaken.

As is the case when you are meeting a lot of new people for the first time, we usually enquire their names and where they are from among other things. The minute anyone, me included, named a place from the south, we were classified as Madrasis. I was, to say the least, pretty surprised and earnestly tried to clarify that I wasn’t from Madras or Chennai or even the same state. As one friend told me then, everything south of the Vindhyas is South India. One big state, of which, Madras is the capital city. And all south Indians are Madrasis. I let it go thinking it was just a one off case, but a surprisingly large number of people in the North were of the same opinion. Some were actually thrown off balance when I told them South India had 4 separate states. Now I know where shows like “Paanchvi Paas” get their fodder from.

So, after many social interactions, at many cities, with many people, I was tired of being labelled Madrasi. I have nothing against the fine city, now known as Chennai, nor against being associated with it. I understand if a person from, oh, say Frankfurt, or Tokyo, or Helsinki does that. After all, for them it’s like a landmark in the world map with which to associate you with. But in India, with fellow Indians, it’s a different thing. You expect them to know a Bangalore or a Hyderabad or a Thiruvananthapuram. It’s like Indians in England being called a Paki. Sure they are next to each other. They were once the same country even. But calling an Indian a Paki, will sure get you some interesting reactions of the violent side.

Now I believe that everybody at heart is a racist. Some know it, some don’t, and the rest are in denial. Now racism by itself is not a bad thing. Just like politics is not a dirty word. We all have our prejudices and there is nothing anyone can do about it. It’s just a fact of life and we have to deal with it. Take my case. I resented being called a Madrasi. Now while I have nothing against that it, I have more pride in being associated with Bangalore, for all its faults. Call it regional pride, call it geo-affiliation or whatever other fancy term you might think of, but at that moment I didn’t like being associated with “Madras”.

So I decided to go on the offensive, by giving them a taste of their own medicine. So when this pretty Punjabi girl and I were getting acquainted, she made the mistake of saying “Oh! Madrasi!” and I said “Yes and you”? So naturally she said Punjabi. To which I said, “Oh! Sardarni”? And then the fun started. She shook her head violently and started explaining the differences between Sardarjis and Punjabis. I patiently listened to her, and at the end of her explanation, say “Oh, you are Bihari then”. Now she was really confused and I was beginning to enjoy this role reversal. She said “Punjab. Not Bihar.” To which I cheekily said, “Yes yes, I know, Punjab. It’s the North Western part of Bihar, your capital is Chandigarh and you are Sardar.”

And from then on, there were just 2 states in India. Madras and Bihar.  Every person who called me a Madrasi was called a Bihari in return with the same earnestness. And they were all scratching their heads while the smarter ones who figured out what was happening, were laughing.

So for all future encounters with my northern brethren, every time I got called a Madrasi, there was a subtle re-arrangement of their hitherto familiar geography and they now belonged to the USB – United States of Bihar. And as an ambassador from Madras, I could claim Diplomatic Immunity and get away with impunity.

So here is my end-note :

• I have nothing against any state, north or south of the Vindhyas, or the people who inhabit them.
  
• There are 4 states in the south of India.
  
• Madras is not a shared capital among these states, unlike Chandigarh.
  
• Madras, incidentally, is now called Chennai.
  
• All South Indians do not talk and act like Mehmood in Padosan or Mithun in Agnipath, or was that Vijaypath?
  
• And as my good friend Chuck puts it “A mallu accent is nothing but a Hyundai made in Kerala.”
  

In August Company!

August, 2008 has been a very eventful month. It certainly has changed the life of quite a few people. Or at least, it promises to.

Two events took off - one internationally and one nationally. These two events would seem to have as much in common as George Bush and Prakash Karat, but surprisingly, there was quite a lot in common. Both events were followed by an entire nation on the telly.

Oh yes, I’m talking about the Olympics and Bigg (note the numerology!) Boss.

The Olympics. Ah, every four years of negligence and ignorance, we hope that someone will get onto the podium. Oh, it doesn’t matter if we don’t know what the sport is all about. I mean, how many people knew what sport Rajyavardhan Rathore won his medal in? Anyway, this saw the triumphant return of heroes Abhinav Bindra, Sushil Kumar and Vijender Kumar with a gold and 2 bronze medals, respectively. To put things in perspective, this is India’s first ever individual Gold and richest haul of medals ever.  Not bad for a nation of a billion people, eh?

The Olympics which started off on August 8^th (except for football, which kicked off on August 6^th) had the hosts, China, doing everything in their power to ensure a great show. And it was too. The most ostentatious Olympic games of the modern era got under way in the spectacular Bird's Nest stadium, with more than 80 heads of state joining 91,000 spectators and 15,000 performers for an opening ceremony expected that attracted a global television audience of more than 3 billion people. That’s half the world’s population!

Now, coming to Indian Reality TV. Bigg Boss 2 aired on 17^th August, with Shilpa Shetty replacing Arshad Warsi as the host this season. The first episode began with Shilpa Shetty's electrifying performance in a golden outfit on the title track of Bigg Boss Season 2. This was followed by an exclusive preview of the Bigg Boss House for the viewers. The masala over the UK performance obviously got in enough eyeballs, enough for media planners to place a premium on ad slots.

Later, the grand and majestic 'confession room' was shown where the participants are only allowed to enter when summoned by the Bigg Boss himself (Oooh! Scary!). Shilpa Shetty welcomed and introduced each of the housemates who come from different walks of life, a mix of newsmakers which include celebrities, politicians, singers, models and commoners. They all provided interesting reasons to be on the show. In turn, Shilpa encouraged their decision to be a part of this show and also provided them tips to survive in the house. Also giving tips was the winner of last year’s Bigg Boss, Rahul Roy!

In the end, Shilpa was seen with a lock and key, which she used to lock the huge door of the Bigg Boss 2 House. Hence the games began!

Now I have noticed quite a few similarities between the two events.

·         Both were eagerly anticipated events

·         The hosts of both were involved in a controversy, China with Human Rights violations and Shilpa being the target of Racism.

·         Both have new Heroes (so to speak).

·         Both gave people a second chance at redeeming themselves.

·         The winners of both events will be more famous coming out than when they went in.

Bigg Boss2 has its fair share of entertainment too. Like the Olympics has its doping charges, Bigg Boss 2 had its first international contestant Jade Goody, withdraw 2 days into the show due to a diagnosis of cancer. Her intention of entering the show was to show the people of India, other aspects of herself. As I mentioned before for most of the contestants this time, it’s about second chances.

Being under scrutiny 24x7 for any period can be taxing. Any illusion of privacy is shattered. There are no masks, no illusions. The essence of a person’s true being emerges and it might not always be what we think it is. Bigg Boss would say is a crucible of a person’s character, an agni-pariksha, if I may use the term. While most of the contestants have may have been in the spotlight, very few of them would be used to this kind of test. The only ones who come to mind are Ashutosh, by virtue of a similar experience on MTV Roadies 5.0, Jade Goody by virtue of being on at least 3 versions of Big Brother and just possibly Monica Bedi. All that interrogation must have toughened her up somehow.

With our Olympic heroes, it will be a blitzkrieg of media attention, usually reserved for cricket stars, as everyone focuses on the flavour of the season for a while and then to be forgotten till the next big competition. Come to think of it, it’s not a bad career plan at all. Become a master in some obscure event that no one but three other people in the world would play, get a medal, be accorded a hero, get loads of money from everyone ranging from the President to the local pub – and relax for the rest of your life. Hmm, I wonder if underwater juggling is taken.

The Olympics though are now over. China wins and about a 100 Chinese athletes are proud to be branded “Made In China”. China has new celebs too. An anonymous guard of the Olympic Torch as it made its rounds through various countries, and dubbed Little Brother, by the media and fans, has become a major sex symbol. Again he owes this honour to exposure on TV and other media.

Bigg Boss 2 though will end only in November so we have more time to get to know the contestants better and choose who wins the contest at the end of that time period.

Write into and let me know who your favourites are and why.

Khoj - An Online Treasure Hunt, by IRMA for Udaan '08

After playing and successfully solving a lot of Online puzzles of the nature of Deathball/Notpron and its more famous Indian editions, the Klueless series, I am now attempting the IRMA game titled KHOJ.

This could be accessed at http://udaan.irma.ac.in/Set1.html

The help form and Hall of Fame can be found here http://khojudaan08.blogspot.com/2008/08/clueless.html

Me and a few good friends namely Gujan and Rohit Jain among others actively started playing this a full 2 days after it had started. (yeah I know, pretty active we are) but as word of mouth takes time especially when you are spread across 3 different, and very widely spaced cities, this I think can be forgiven.

Onto the game itself. I am probably prejudiced by Klueless and for that I ask to be excused.

Answers Level-wise

1. snake eyes (Set1)

2. chokher bali (Set1)

3. raincoat (Set1)

MILESTONE 1.

4. nine circles of hell (twentytwo)

5. even the blind can read (twentytwo)

6. and everything nice (twentytwo)

7. fahrenheit 451 (twentytwo)

MILESTONE 2.

8. tao of pooh (happythree)

9. beggars (happythree)

10. polymer notes (happythree)

11. charlie and the chocolate factory (happythree)

MILESTONE 3.

12. july (chiru)

13. godel escher bach (chiru)

14. anand mehta (steelydan)

15. 2008 europe taler (steelydan)

MILESTONE 4.

16. the english patient (mohana)

17. calvin and hobbes (manish)

18. home is where the heart is (lincoln)

19. sixth sense (nellore)

20. one hundred years of solitude (sexpistols)

MILESTONE 5.

21. the joker (kisskiss)

22. numbers (thecure)

MILESTONE 6.

23. daylight saving time

24. alexander solzhenitsyn

25. malgudi days

26. being a scot (franzferdinand)

Milestone7

27. tiffany (joydivision)

28. americanairlinesflight77(enteranswerhere)

Final Milestone

I think I came 3rd in this! Damn!